weigh and balance

-justice-

Just a while ago.. I found myself, again, caught in a labyrinth, trying to escape the puzzle.. trying to find my way out..

I am not comfortable being with them, the both of them –faction-. I can feel the pressure. I desired for a clone, I desired for a chainsaw.. and cut myself into half. When they came to timezone.. I really did not know what to do.. I felt something that I never aspired to feel. I felt.. guilt. remorse. I was anxious. I was perplexed. Black out. It almost broke me.. into falling pearls. Moan for my confusion.


I really wanted to go home with them.. since it has become a habit.. and going home in solitude is a curse..

But I also want to go with them since it has been a while since I went out with them and I missed them too..


Balance..

So I chose to go with them. Relieved..

Still bothered of that feeling..

Why am I making this a big issue? I don’t know.. it is not that massive though.. gohd.. I just want to expunge what I felt..

So when I went home, this issue preoccupied me. I got irritated and confused.. instead of going to times, I decided to ride a jeep to zapote –knowing there’s a congestion- I got stucked. So, I walked myself all the way to zapote.. and rode a jip again heading sm Molino.. that took me about 30-40 minutes.. it blew my head off. I was so tired.. and irritated..

+positive+

Scoundrel –my mouth-

It has been a while since those words came out of my mouth. I haven’t used it for like ages.. hmm.. not really, for only about 3 months –I guess-.


“tangina”


That was the word. I went to masci today expecting a rehearsal to take place but unfortunately, we were just asked to sing in the meeting of the parents and students about the Brigada Eskwela. We also joined the dreadful parade. We circled the roads surrounding masci. It was so shameful.. we were at the front of the line since they said that we are graduates, and we need utmost exposure (??).


That was actually tiring. After singing, we decided (the choir) with maam carlos to go to MOA. Wow. This is the first time i am going to MOA with the choir. We ate at Pillo loco. The food was edible. That’s all I can say. Then after eating, we had some chit chats then decided to go skating. Sadly, mrs. Carlos can’t go with us since she is afraid that she might just injure herself. Hmm.. she sat at the benches and watched us glide on ice! She was actually with pau xu and iric ( I don’t know why they did i not go skating with us). I had fun on ice! –as what the coupon says- hehe.


I tumbled three times. It did not hurt that much since I tried to stand up immediately. i even toppled and scratched my elbow on the ice. Hmm, weird, it did not hurt that much too. So why did all of these misfortunes occurred? Well, it was because of ph, and 20% because of jay v and celiz. It was so abrupt. I just found myself playing tag with them. I was aiming for ph since I know that I can tag him easier than jay v. that was the time I said “tangina ka ph” haha *smiles*. I got that scratch while he was catching me as I was entering the rink.. I was running –hastily- and since it was only my 4th time to skate, having deficient skills on skating, I stumbled and got that scratch. There.. haha. And that was also the first time –for 3 months- I uttered that word.


After that we went to quatum. The usual leisure, maniax, karaoke and revo.. the suddenly.. danikko called. I told them to go to timezone. Hmm. So they went to timezone. I was a bit.. appalled… uhhmm.. Fussed? Worried? Agitated? i think... we also played maniax. Unfortunately, choir needs to leave. So I waved farewell to them, told celiz and ph that i can't go with them, and went with kamil and danikko. We just ate at jollibee. Haha. Laughed and laughed.


I had a blast today.. hmm.. upbeat. Downbeat. -_-‘ x_x

....x_x

hmm.. it is really odd. i am not expecting anything.. it is just odd. nkakalungkot. hmm.. waaa.. bkt b?? cguro kc, ndi ko maramdaman na ganun ako. though i have always been the type of friend i ought to be.

thought that he would tell me everything. i thought.. i just thought. hmm feeling tlga ako. haha. nevermind.

go upd!!!

upd!!

Cheer up!

1 week has transpired and I haven’t posted my orientation experience.

-Taglish mode-

Hmm.. I was a bit excited for that day. I have always been looking forward to our orientation. Sabi kasi ni ate jobel na masaya un kaya umattend kami. So there, I attended our orientation las may 11. that was a Friday. I thought I was late, actually, I was late. 15 minutes late, but no woorries, the show have not started yet. Michaelle texted me a day ago to meet her at the econ building so we can go to the orientation together. 11 am was the meeting time, and as usual, being the tardy Filipino that I am, I came around 12 pm. Pinoy nga dw talaga ako sabi ni mykel.. hehe

I was 30 meters away from the building when a girl suddenly called me, it was chloris. Haha. Kinuha nia ako tapos dinala nia ako sa i.e. club. Tpos pinakilala nia ako sa lahat. Haha. Un then she ushered me to my line. Hmm. I met 3 people, I cant remember their names. The i.e. club introduced me to them, they were also freshies under i.e. department. They were all from marikina science high school. Haha. Since I am not that assertive, I did not talk much.. haha.

There, I got my block, G-24. waw. Then I entered the auditorium. It was a bit cold. The show started. Hmm. The hosts were funny though I know all their jokes are rip offs from their last orientations. Haha. Pero mabenta pa rin. Panalo tlga ung rap nila na “kung ang ue ay warriors, an gust ay tigers, ang la sale ay archers… ngunit lahat sila, hindi upacat passers!!” haha. Galeng

So it started fine, I was seated at the right most wing of the auditorium and all mascians ere seated together at the left wing. That’s what I get from being late. Hmm. –taga pisci ung nsa likod ko.. hehe- they started with those boring discussions. Then jokes. Haha. Then the u.p. concert chorus sang. They were good but upsa is still better. Haha. But at least, they were able to entertain us. Then discussions again, then adio visual presentations. Then a dance number, they were not good.. seriously. Then came the up pep squad!! Woohoo. That was the best part of the orientation. Good thing that everybody was up on their seats and game for cheering!. We were shouting. Wooo!! They told us that we were the best audience they had. They taught us all the u.p yells. Haha. It was fun!

That was our orientation. after that orientation, i really felt that i am a certified up student. dun ko lng naramdaman na kolehiyo na ako. bigla kong nlimutan ang masci. haha! joke

Sorry kung hindi maxadong mganda ung pagkakakwento ko.. mejo minamadali ko nlng toh eh.. hehehe tinatamad n nman ako..

Un lng nman un. Tpos nun umuwi na ako. hehe

+recharge;refuel+

Grown weary

My phone again vibrated for the nth time. It was about 6 30 that opened my eyes and checked my phone for new messages. Then I read some and since my energy was yet to be fueled up completely, I went back to sleep. Again, my phone is ringing for new messages. I decided to wake up, it was 8 30, and read all of it. I don’t know, but I felt so tired after waking up. I don’t feel sleepy, but I really feel drained..

It is getting near.. the sympathy makes it more rapid. I can replenish all my energy anytime I want, I can replenish the gas of my tenacity anytime and anywhere.. but still, I am human.. I cant do everything, I cant live forever for everything. I cant absorb everything.

A sponge can absorb any amount of water it is capable to hold, but when a force acts on it and push it to its constraint, it will then exude everything and burst it all out, gush in insanity.

But not to worry.. I am just tired: Tired of convincing and arguing with other people. It is not easy to do what is right. It is not easy to attmpt to make everything perfect in its place. It is not easy to be me.. I have grown weary.. I need to breathe fresh air. I am throttled.. there is too much pressure, there is too much force..

My memory gap gets worse. It is my fault.. my brain is stuffed with so much misery and problems of other people. It consumes the space for memoirs of my past. Everything is sinking in, but paradoxically, it is not. I am pushing my self to engross it.

It is arduous to hope for the best when all you do is to put a handful of effort over a single problem and never gets better because of resentment. Why cant people think for the best. Why cant people accept realities of life. We converge to resolve things but deep inside, it is still not ok. We cannot sacrifice a little bit of ourselves for the better of somebody else. Everything will end up to one of the deadliest sins.. selfishness.

It is a fact. We cannot be GOD. But it is human nature (should be human nature) to try to be flawless and follow whatever path that should be followed. We have a choice, and it is in our choice that brings us our future. It is not the fault of other people if we regret the thing s from the past, because we have the CHOICE to do what we ought to do.

Problems.. they made me.. I am created with these adversities. They go through my blood. It makes me insane..

A sponge may exude the water, but after that, it will naturally, slowly

absorb

it again..