second best

dont even think that i am second best.. maybe third fourth or merely nothing to her.. well, a friend maybe.. i hoped for something.. i looked forward on seeing myself with her, walking, holding hand and just looking at each other, secured of each other. well.. la na un.. kala ko pa nman.. haaay.. buti nlng natigil to ng mas maaga.. ms cao.. hehe alexandra.. lex, salamat dhil pinatigil mo na to ng mas maaga.. mas ok na toh kesa hoping for something that is in reality is a fogment.. i almost got to the point that i went crazy for her.. but good thing that did not happen. all i know was that i was always looking forward to seeing her pretty face on tuesdays and fridays in our chem lec and lab. she was always beside me.. i liked it that way.. i felt secured.. my soul felt bliss.. i was like floating.. we would always walk together.. the simple times we had with each other, i considered them one of my best times in u.p. just seeing her pics in my fone.. in her friendster account, makes my day, makes me smile.. she is so simple..she is so sweet.. she is beyond beautiful.. i always want to see her.. i desire to be with her.. i want to know her more.. i want to be with her more often.. i want her.. i like her.. alexandra cao.. alex.. the man she is waiting for is so lucky.. i pray that her wishes will come true.. i hope she will be happy.. too early.. it was too early.. taht is a good thing for i dont have to indulge on my depression due to my deep "love" for her as time passes by. it is so good that it never got deeper.. it will make me crazy if that would have happened.. for if that time comes.. that i my love has grown deeper and she just dumps my permission.. that will make me a picture of my past.. a boy who gave it all.. but did not have anything left for himseld.. for he is just second best.. for he is not good enough.. unfair as it is.. it is better off this way.. il stop it as early as now..